Word Count 573
Language report 2019 -2119
During the last hundred yrs great progress has bin made in American Language. This essay will kover the trends and landmarks of that period.
The drivers of the changes were 2 movements. 1 went under the banner “If it’s diffikult, it’s not worth doing” which led to “The Great Simplifikashun” and the other was texting.
The “Diffikult” movement was supported by nearly everyone, but was strongest in akademia. Even the students went along. Sum say the first change was abandoning kursive. As with kursive, many other similar changes were brewing simultaneously. Bekause no 1 knew what affekt or effekt meant, “impakt” was used exklusively. Outside of historikal dokuments such as this, neither archaik term has bin used since 2043. Imply and infer had konfused generashuns, so inpler was used for either 1, despite sum preferring imfer. Inspired by texting, your and you’re bekame ur. Problem, disease, injury, error and mistake were effektively eliminated by “issue” by the 2030’s. A survey indikated only 3% of the populashun understood there, their and they’re so they all bekame ther.
By 2105 15% of spoken words were either “impakt” or “issue”.
Parts of speech were improved by ending the arbitrary distinkshun between verbs and nouns. Much earlier, task and impakt were verbed, and ask and reveal were nouned. By 2085 every verb had been used as a noun and by 2093 every noun had been used as a verb. The combinashun bekame nerbs.
Texting had bin a great force in simplifying and improving the language. Ur, 4, b, chand u were promoted by texts. It had added shortkuts such as lol, btw, lmfao and other wondrous things. Along with the internet, texting emojis had eliminated the need 4 most words. Following the peaceful robot revolushun of 2098, no human had done any riting outside of texts since 2105. Human aktivity during the 8 hours awake revolved around watching klassik entertainment such as “I Married Joan” and eating Doritos. Robots now kreate all literature, and do a much better job than humans ever did. Kompare “Romeo And Juliet” to “Parents Had Issues, Kids Died” for example.
Bekause pre- had bekom primarily used to mean “early” as in pre-sale, it lost its original use as “before”, so words such as “prehistory” bekame “before history”.
Kleches were skrutinized in the 2080s. Bekause they had never bin regulated, sum rules were rekwired. The Kommission kame up with:
Most kleches kud not b used more than 50 million times without being retired for 20 yrs at which time they kud be resurrekted. Klassiks such as “On / off my radar” kan b, in fakt should b, used at every opportunity. Based on this ruling, “woke”, “optiks” and “walk it back” kan be used now, but u will have to wait for “groovey”, “lit” and “yo mama”.
1 of the rules developed over the time period of this report that defies understanding is the rekwirement to add “kommunity” after every group. People speak of “the gravel kommunity” rather than “gravel”.
The promulgashun of this odd rule is lost in antikwity.
Despite language being largely standardized, ther is 1 large exsepshun. Half the world recognizes one form of address – sapien or title – and the other half has 3,422 depending on amount of oppreshun, nationality, ethnisity and choice from 83 genders.
Appeared in Potato Soup and a harder to read version (for 20th Century people) in Short Humour. It should be obvious that the author is an elderly curmudgeon who does not like texting, cliches and the direction language is headed. He dug when talk was groovey, man.