Skewers 47iq – you’ve been warned

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In an interview on Meet the Press on Sunday, Conqueror-in-Chief Donald J. Trump said that he no longer seeks to annex Greenland. Instead, he has set his acquisitive sights on the island nation of Australia.

Why? “Hell, Australia is three and a half times the size of the frozen wasteland that is Greenland,” said Trump. “It’ll look even better on a map!”

Greenland, with an area of nearly 3 million square miles, is 11 times larger than Texas. “Plus,” said Trump, “they got Vegemite!” Vegemite, a food spread brand headquartered in Melbourne, is a favorite at the restaurants at Mar-a-Lago and on trumpstore.com, where it trails only Spam in popularity.

“Australia’s defense budget for FY 2025 is US$36.8 billion,” noted Trump, “which tells me they’re serious about national defense. Not like those wimps and hangers on and parasites in NATO.”

While closely allied with the U.S., Australia is also a preeminent member of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN), a regional grouping of states designed to promulgate economic and national security among its members. ASEAN represents some 680 million people; Australia itself has almost 27 million residents.

Trump admits he has also set his sights on other nations in the ASEAN alliance, “somewhere down the road, maybe in my fifth or sixth term; Hollywood wasn’t built in a day,” he said.

And finally, Australia possesses an unrealized store of rare Earth minerals, highly sought after by the Trump administration. “We weren’t able to steal enough from Ukraine,” Trump complained.

Via executive order, Trump inked a deal with Australia, the Critical Minerals Framework, in October, to mine essential mineral wealth with its object the harvesting of elements worth in excess of $53 billion.

“It ain’t a perfect proposition, of course,” said Trump, noting that some 24% of Australians are non-whites. “The good news,” Trump continued, “is that there are 123 prisons in Australia, so we’ll have someplace to put all the aboriginals, plus immigrants from other shithole countries who stand in the way of White progress.”

Trump noted that, “the colored races, like the brown-skinned vermin in the states,” were originally immigrants, some 50-65,000 years ago. “We know what to do with the White Man’s Burden,” advised the president.

On the topic of prisoners, Trump reminded reporters that some 8% of Australian inmates are female. “That’ll give [Matt] Gaetz, my nominee for special envoy to Australia, something to do.”

Australia is also investing significantly in its integrated air and missile systems and upgrading its submarine service. All this plays into Trump’s hands, he says. “We practically own Australia already,” he said. “Now all I want is for it to be official; a deed of ownership, a bill of sale. F**k Greenland.”

POSTSCRIPT – Two weeks later:

“The Assies were fools to refuse my generous offer of $10 an acre, in coupons redeemable at any Trump resort,” grumbled Trump. “Guess I’ll have to teach ‘em a lesson.”At this point a White House stooge comes in with a can of Diet Coke. He whispers in Trump’s ear.

Trump barks, “The bastards blew up Mar-A-Lago! Those Assies will regret this sabotage.”

Asks Marco Rubio: “How do you know it was the Australians?”

“The bomber left a note in Australian, that’s how I know. I got me an Australian tutor so I now I can speak the language.”

A day later:

Trump summons his AG. The voluptuous cabinet member enters in her usual see-through teddy and Trump No Surrender High Tops. She asks, “Do you want me on my stomach or back this time?”

“I’m too upset to raise junior now; I’ve got something else to worry about.” She instantly relaxes. “Can we bomb major cities in Australia?” Trump inquires. “I’ll have to make a call,” she says. Five minutes later she’s back. “When do you want it done?” she asks. “NOW!” shouts Trump. “But don’t bomb Melbourne,” he cautions. “I don’t wanna lose the Vegemite factories.”

An utterly destroyed Australia is occupied by the U.S. Aborigines not imprisoned are shipped to the USA and put in museums, given Black jobs, or sent to CECOT. The Prison Colony is reconstituted as an object lesson for Australians and other future conquered races.

The Trump Library takes anything of value from the country, builds an amusement park in Florida bigger than Disneyland and Disneyworld combined that they call, “Down-Under Land.”

Ships attempting to land ashore on the island nation are ruthlessly taken out by U.S. Naval aviators under the direction of SoW Pete “Happy Hour” Hegseth, who is later guest of honor at a Kanye West concert held at the Trump Center.

When all is said and done, the 47th American president reconsiders his evaluation of Greenland and conquers the Danish territory almost overnight.

Thinking he needs to marry a native, Trump weds an Innuit woman and builds her a huge residence which he calls Mar-a-Igloo. The bride, however, unused to Trump’s primitive mating behavior, kicks him to his death out a third-floor window.

                                                                    The End

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