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Eleven year old Jimmy told his mother Jane that he wanted his father Ted back for Christmas.  It was the only thing that he wanted – he didn’t want a new phone, clothes, or more video games.  Just his father, who hadn’t been home since last Christmas.

Jane explained that she didn’t think that he’d ever return from that business trip that he took a year ago.  If no one had seen him in all that time, he was probably gone forever.

Jimmy told her “I don’t think that I can grow up to be a man without him.  He was the one that told me you need to take what you want, and to treat girls like dirt because that’s what they need and deserve.”

Jane shuddered internally remembering the lessons that Ted had given Jimmy and the way that he had treated her.  She maintained a calm exterior and just reiterated “I don’t think he’ll ever be home again, sorry Jimmy”.

Jane was shaken when a bloated Ted did show up on Christmas Eve.  He walked through the door and told Jimmy without preamble “I heard your wish and I’m back to make sure things are just like they used to be” while glaring at Jane.

Ted spent the rest of the evening drinking his favorite whiskey while telling Jimmy about all the fun they’d have and how they’d rule the house together.  After Jimmy went to bed, Ted told Jane “I’ve got some lessons for you when we go to bed.  I’ve been doing some research with women I’ve picked up in bars.  I’ve learned some tricks I’ll love, but you will hate.  I hope that you don’t scream too loud, it might disturb our boy Jimmy.”

Jane responded “I thought that my brother Joe made sure that you ended up at the bottom of the ocean.”

“He did the job all right, but a higher power heard Jimmy’s wish and brought me back.  I’d say ‘Thank God’, but I don’t think it was God.  Now I don’t know if I’m a ghost or what, but I’m going to have fun.  The rest of your life you and your brother will pay for what you did.  I’ll have to postpone getting reacquainted with you in bed tonight though.  I must have drunk too much.”

Ted slumped over in his chair and breathed erratically.

Jane smiled wickedly and told Ted “Oops, you drank the poisoned bottle I had thought about using before the drowning plot.  I don’t know why I kept it around, but it sure came in handy.  You answered the question about whether it would work on whatever weird twisted creature you are.  While you were talking to Ted, I called Joe to come over around midnight to bury you in the back yard.  You may be able to come back from drowning, but I doubt that you can come back from being dismembered.  Jimmy may be unhappy now, but you won’t be around to poison his life, you toxic bastard.  Your trip has a one way ticket this time.”

“If it is any consolation, we will plant a living Christmas tree on your grave and dedicate it to you.  Watch out for the roots.”

Appears in Dark Dossier #65 and the 2022 Halloween Issue. I found that it was published two months after the fact. Another battle of the sexes crime / horror story.