Word count 829                                                           

Sergeant Sam York got the tip by phone in the morning.  “You know the rash of disappearances that have happened lately?  I think that I know the house where they are kept.  Strange noises have been coming from 5280 Simpson for a couple of months.  Not only that, but vans show up late at night behind the house where they can’t be seen.  When you pay the reward, remember who called – Homer Bartholomew.”

York picked up his partner Jean Jersey at her desk and filled her in.  On the way to their car, they couldn’t help but notice that they attracted whispers and chuckles.  Jean said “They’re talking about us.  What do you suppose they know and what do you suppose they imagine?”  Sam just shook his head.

It took half an hour to get to the house in their cruiser.  Before they got to the door they could hear a quiet cacophony of sounds.  Unnerved, they both got their guns handy.  After they knocked, an average looking forty something male in bloody overalls answered the door.  “Hi guys, what’s up?”

Sam and Jean looked at each other clearly thinking that this doesn’t sound like a mass kidnapper.  “Well sir, strange sounds coming from your house have been reported.”

“Oh, I’m very sorry about that.  I’ve tried to quiet the inmates and my place is really well insulated.  I’ll show you.  But I’m so sorry about forgetting my manners, I’m Jason Atkins, but call me Jace.”

After introducing themselves, Jean asked “Maybe you could also explain your bloody clothes too.”

“Sure, sometimes the inmates injure themselves.  Also, I have to butcher a lot of bloody meat.  I should really be more careful, but sometimes I can’t help getting blood on my clothes.  Ready to see them?”

Both Sam and Jean were both confused and wary, but Sam said “Lead the way.”  Underneath Sam’s calm exterior he was deeply disturbed and began to sweat.  He began to knead the butt of his gun.

On the way through the house, Jean looked into a room and spied a voluptuous naked woman tied to a chair.  She had a ball gag and various things attached to her that Jean didn’t understand.  Startled and aroused, Jean’s breath became shallow and rapid.  Despite that scene, Jean decided it was best to see to the “inmates” first.

As they got close to the staircase, the cacophony increased.  What seemed like laughter and screams emanated from the cellar.  As they descended the staircase their trepidation increased, until their first view of an inmate came into view.  It appeared to be an anteater.  When they were able to take in the view, they observed a veritable zoo of animals of various kinds – monkeys, hyenas, pigs, parrots, different kinds of cats in cages.

Jean blinked and said “Huh?” while Sam’s mouth just dropped open.

“As I said, I do my best not to disturb my neighbors, but what can you do with howler monkeys?  You are probably wondering what I’m doing with this menagerie.  I contract with the zoo for special projects – some veterinary work, isolating animals if necessary and keeping some of these guys while transport is arranged back and forth to other zoos.”

Sam said “We are so sorry to have bothered you.  You may have heard of several missing persons cases in the last month.  Somebody suggested that you might have been keeping them based on the sounds coming from your house and the late night deliveries.”

“No problem.  I don’t pay much attention to the news.  Tell me about the missing people.”

“As I said they were missed over just a few days.  Jerry Stock, Sally Hendrix, Jo Hemple, George Simpkins are a few of the people that I can remember.”

Jace cackled “You came to the right place.  I just solved your case.  I know those people.  They snuck off to the PST swinger’s convention and they will go home soon with some sort of innocent cover story.  PST stands for Portland Swinger Time.  We use the abbreviation around the uninitiated.  Judy and I couldn’t make it this time.  Oh crap, I forgot all about Judy.”

Jace ran upstairs follow by Sam and Jean.  He went into the room with the woman Jean had seen earlier.  He got her loose from her shackles and introduced everyone around.  Judy seemed mildly peeved about being forgotten, and not the least bit embarrassed, but Jean was unnerved by Judy’s rapt attention switching back and forth from her to Sam.    

Jace and Judy looked at each other, and then Judy looked at Jean and said “Maybe you two would like to join our kinky group?”

Jean said “We’ll have to think about it.”

On the way out Sam whispered to Jean “That clears up everything but one.  How much do you think PDT charges members and is it a onetime charge, annual or both?”

Appeared in Scarlet Leaf, Down In The Dirt, The Haven, and Books ‘N Pieces. This was an attempt to twist the kidnapper / killer story.